Live With Intention: Building Your Tribe
I love the idea of building a tribe—of consciously and intentionally collecting people. One of the most important decisions we’ll ever make is choosing who we allow into our lives. A few weeks ago, we spent time with new friends at their beautiful home on a tiny island off the coast of British Columbia.
We spent hours engaged in inspiring, insightful conversations—my absolute favorite kind—and more than once, they talked about “collecting people” along life’s journey. Then they paused, slightly uncomfortable with the phrasing. But I thought: what’s wrong with collecting people?
I love it.
Traveling is one of my greatest joys, and one reason is that I collect people the way others collect souvenirs. While some bring home t-shirts, I bring home friendships. The key is being thoughtful and intentional about who we welcome into our tribe. So, how do we do that? Here are five types of people who belong in your tribe:
1. Those Who Will Lift You Higher
Oprah Winfrey once said, “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” This is one of my favorite life philosophies. We are deeply shaped by the company we keep—our tribe is a big part of our personal equation.
The person we choose to partner with—spouse, husband, wife, life companion—is one of the most critical decisions we will ever make. As Sheryl Sandberg wrote in Lean In, “…the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is.”
But beyond that, we also need friends, mentors, colleagues, and collaborators who support us, challenge us, and ultimately inspire us to grow. If we are, indeed, the average of the five people we spend the most time with, we should choose carefully. Choose those who reflect your highest self—those who make you proud to be a part of their lives.
2. Those Who Are Family: By Blood or By Choice
Not all family belongs in your tribe.
That can be hard to accept. We’re raised to believe that family ties are unbreakable, but the truth is more complex. Some people, even family members, may not align with our values, energy, or emotional well-being—and that’s okay.
When you’re lucky enough to have biological family who lift you up and love you unconditionally, treasure them. But if that’s not your experience, give yourself permission to create chosen family—people who feel like home, even if you don’t share DNA. You deserve a tribe that truly sees and supports you.
3. Those With Common Interests
As we mature, we start to choose our friends not by convenience or proximity, but by shared values and passions.
In childhood, our friendships were shaped by who sat next to us in class or lived down the street. In college, we connected through dorms, clubs, or sports teams. But adulthood gives us the opportunity to be intentional—seeking out people who share our interests, hobbies, and worldviews.
That intentionality creates more meaningful, fulfilling relationships.
4. Those With Whom We Share Experiences
Shared experiences build unshakable bonds.
Some of the most powerful relationships in my life were forged in the crucible of extraordinary moments—whether joyful, heartbreaking, or transformative.
I think of the Brazilian couple we met on the last day of hiking the W Trek in Torres del Paine. After six grueling days in the Patagonian wilderness, we celebrated with wine and talked about everything from social entrepreneurship to eco-tourism.
Or the South African couple we summited Kilimanjaro with—pain, triumph, and thin air creating an instant, lasting connection.
And of course, my college best friends—who have walked beside me through so many phases of life, cheering me on, holding me accountable, loving me through my flaws.
These shared experiences create a language and connection that words often can’t replicate.
5. Those Who Inspire Us
Your tribe should include people who push you to grow—who challenge you, lovingly, to become more fully yourself.
Some of the most important members of my tribe are mentors and colleagues—people who are passionate about their work, who find meaning in their lives, and who aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions. They help me reflect, reimagine, and pursue the version of myself I most want to be.
Their presence in my life reminds me that inspiration is contagious.
Build Your Tribe With Intention
Building your tribe is a voluntary, intentional act. Who we surround ourselves with shapes us in ways we often don’t realize. These people influence our thoughts, habits, beliefs, and even the trajectory of our lives.
When I reflect on the people in my tribe, I feel incredibly lucky. They are funny, brilliant, kind, quirky, ambitious, creative, and deeply inspiring. They challenge me to evolve, to live the life I dream of, to stay curious, and to never forget to have fun.
But remember: tribes shift. Not everyone is meant to walk the entire path with you—and that’s okay. Your tribe should evolve as you do. It should reflect who you are and who you’re becoming.
Be intentional. Be brave. And collect your people with love.
